What’s your default setting?
On a computer, or smart phone, the default setting is what comes stock. It’s what is in the basic make-up of the website or software, aka factory preset.
Our human default setting is our human nature, our preset ways of thinking and doing things based on our upbringing and just who we are. You might not like hearing this, but our preset way of thinking and acting is so NOT GOOD that God sent Jesus to earth to save us! He had to SAVE US from our default settings.
Jesus gave us His very own Spirit so that we could move away from our default settings into God’s purpose for our day.
My son, Mosely, came up to me to tell on Wally.
“Mom, Wally said I’m weird.”
My default setting: to be exasperated by all the whining and tattling and fighting. Sick and tired, really. Impatient. uuggghhh.
This is what happened next:
Me: Are you weird?
Me: Then you can just ignore him.
Wally: runs in and says “I did NOT say Mo was weird.”
Me: sighing and realizing: Why couldn’t Wally just have stayed out of it? I don’t have time for this nonsense. Now I have to deal with him too. I just want to get back to what I was doing. Yes, these are my thoughts. My default setting, sometimes, is to think of my children as problems to deal with, or burdens to bear. Why can’t they just get along?
Well, I decided this time to really get to the bottom of things.
It is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill His good purpose. Philippians 2:13
I got close to Wally and asked him what he did. He said he didn’t do anything.
I asked him if he called Mo weird. (Not that there is anything wrong with weird)
I asked him to tell me what actually happened.
“I don’t know.”
“Oh Wally. This is your chance! If you don’t tell me exactly what happened right now, then I am going to let Mo tell me and I am going to believe every word he says.”
Wally agreed and said, “Fine. Yeah. Let Mo tell you.”
“Mo, what happened?”
“Well, we were playing a game. And I didn’t do anything and Wally just said that he wished that he could hit me in the face and destroy my toys and that I wouldn’t tell Mom”
“Then he threw a towel on my face and said ‘There, I hit you in the face and now you look weird’.”
“Wally, did you do that?”
Smirky, contorted face. No comment.
“Mo, I need more details.”
In so many words, Mo recounted how he made up a “fun” game for everybody to play. As I prodded with questions, we all discovered that Mo was not clear on the rules of the game. It further turned out that there was no possible way for Wally to win at the game. Apparently Wally needed weapons, but didn’t have any.
Jeremiah had the weapons.
Sigh. Please let’s not get Jeremiah involved too. I just want this to be easy and over with. Default setting.
Wally sincerely wanted to play with his bro Mo, and succeed at Mosely’s game. But he was frustrated and defeated at every try.
After lots of discussion, we finally found understanding. I could see where Wally was coming from and could offer guidance and counsel. Poor Wally didn’t know how to communicate his feelings, or even recount what happened. He didn’t know how to ask for what he needed.
I told Mo that Wally needed to be able to win the game.
“It’s no fun if he can’t have success at your game.”
I told Mo that he needed to have clear rules.
“No more than three rules.” haha.
They forgave each other and went off to play. Jeremiah followed and joined in.
I didn’t hear any fighting for a long while, and when I went to check on them, they were still playing Mo’s made-up game. They figured things out!
I could have taken it further but I was just happy that the boys found a path to walk on. A path that I got to show them.
I was proud of them. I was proud of me. But woah, it took both energy and calm to get to a solution. A solution to a problem that didn’t even look like a problem at first! It just looked like tattle-telling.
He actually hears me when I pray to be better than my default settings. I’ve prayed to live, and move into, His purpose for me.
I truly want to embrace my life and position with joy.
God showed me that my input into the boys’ mini conflict changed their path… And hopefully built trust and respect in our family. I moved past my default settings to being a patient listener, a problem solver, and an influencer for good. I shined some light into the lives of my sons.
God is good. Trust Him to get you out of your default settings! I pray that you can press into Gods purpose for you during your day. ❤