“What no eye has seen,
what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived”[b]—
the things God has prepared for those who love him—1 Corinthians 2:9
So. Two things.
Wally, my son, said he hopes he doesn’t get a wife like mommy. ☹.
And I dreamed that I died. Mike got a new wife after I was gone. One who loved him gently and respectfully. Who was good to the kids. Who was beautiful and didn’t slack in taking care of herself. Wow. The family was doing just great without me. When I saw her everything was confirmed. I knew I didn’t belong in this family. I felt it all along. Everybody in this house is just so simple. They are happy with simple. Simple just doesn’t cut it for me. I want more. More emotional connection. More fun. More epic moments. More grande. More success. More romance. More beauty. More love. She was happy with simple. She was perfect for this family. So, I started to sob. And weep. And let go, and say goodbye. To my simple family who was better off without me.
Then quietly I was told in my dreams that I was that woman. Mike’s new woman. The new mother to my boys. I was meant to be that woman. In fact, I suddenly realized the face of the woman in my dream was actually mine. Her hair was beautiful. I laughed. A beautiful me. Not the ugly me. Complaining me. Disappointed in every little mess and wrong and microscopic chaos. The door was slightly open… For me to slip in and take the spot of that woman. That spot was mine if I wanted it.
So this year I am giving my husband a new wife. Her name is Cheri. I like her name. I know he will be so thankful that God gave him a good wife to love him serve him and love and care for their boys.
God help me.
To see poop smears and smile at the gifts that are my children. To smell ‘rotten’ hidden somewhere and embrace the hunting challenge with zeal. To match socks and wash sheets with thankfulness for fresh and clean. To tackle the crusty dishes with a song in my heart.
Let me care for my self. Soul, body, spirit. Well.
Let me draw near to You God before I draw near to social media, or coffee, or food, or anything I think will get me through the day. Because You are the one who spoke to me. Through my son. Through my dreams. You showed me there is another option at living this life. That it’s not too late to have a really awesome life. I can have it now. If I will let You take me and make me. My husband and my sons can have a really awesome life too. Because of me. Let me yield!!! And thank you God. For beautiful simple.
6 So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, 7 rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. Colossians 2:6-7