On one hand the thought of my baby boy, Isaiah, growing up or not needing me or leaving home, brings tears to my eyes. On the other hand I’m looking forward to my son, Isaiah, growing up and not needing me as much and being able to live on his own. These past ten years, I have been overjoyed being Isaiah’s mom. I’ve poured into him tons of tender, loving care. It’s sad to think that I may have him under my roof for less than ten more years. Needless to say, he will always be my baby!
So, I need to start treating him like a big boy, doing what I can to prepare him for adulthood. I know what I need to do, I want to do it, and he wants me to do it. Unfortunately, I keep reverting back to doing what I don’t want to do.
15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[a] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Romans 7:15-20
I’ve given Isaiah permission to point out or remind me when I’m treating him like a baby. Regrettably, I do it without evening thinking twice, it’s a habit I want to break. I hover over him too much, he doesn’t even have a chance to think for himself or learn from his own mistakes. I won’t let him make any. I remind him of what he needs to do next, before he has a chance to show me he remembers or has forgotten. Now he asks me not to remind him of things. I’m sad to report, I still forget and I catch myself reminding him of every little thing; close the door, turn off the light, go to the bathroom, blow your nose, etc. Perhaps this is why I’m always tired, I’m so busy being and doing for both of us.
Recently, we were at a restaurant, I wasn’t sitting next to Isaiah, but when his fettuccine came, I got out of my seat, went around the table to cut up his noodles. I wanted to make it easier for him to eat, so he wouldn’t make a mess….he’s TEN. My husband reminded me that Isaiah can do it himself (or it’s time for him to learn). Now that I’ve been more observant, I’ve noticed I sometimes embarrass Isaiah by not letting him do things for himself.
I always thought I was helping him, now I realize I’ve been hindering him. My hovering is keeping him young, not allowing him to grow up, make mistakes, and experience the natural consequences of his actions or non-action. Is my purpose so tied to him that I’d feel useless without my “dream job” as Domestic Engineer? What comes after my “dream job”? It’s time for me to dream another dream, a bigger dream.
3 “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:” Ecclesiastes 3:1
I Think I’m holding onto him so tightly because the joy of parenthood did not come fast or easy for James and me. It was years in the making. We had pregnancies that ended in miscarriages and a surgery to possibly fix our infertility issue; before the blessing of adoption and bringing our baby boy home from the hospital.
Subconsciously, I think I’m afraid he won’t need, want or love me as much as he has these past ten years.
10 “So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
13 “For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you.” Isaiah 41:13
Consciously, however, I want my son to be an independent, self-sufficient mature young man. I also want the joy and freedom of having some of my time back…I know I can get a witness on this.
I am fully aware that even after he graduates from high school and goes off to college, he will still be “my baby”. Even after a nice young lady calls him “her husband”, he will still be “my son”. Nothing will ever change the fact that Isaiah will always be my baby boy. Knowing and accepting this fact frees me to let him grow up. It frees me to release him to God’s plan.
11 “For I know the plans I have for you, ” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah. 29:11
But, in reality, it’s a work in progress; so feel free to inquire how I’m doing!
Dear Lord, help me get out of your way, so I can experience the joy of Isaiah’s growth through each step he takes without me hovering and instructing him every step of the way. Give me the courage to follow through and release him to grow and develop wings to fly like an eagle (Isaiah 40:31). I pray that Isaiah will be confident in his abilities and that he will grow up to be an independent, self-sufficient young man. Amen!
31 Those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31